Everyone has regrets…

…and I am no exception. I regret that I chose a life of music over one with Peter Nguyen. He loved me, which I couldn’t comprehend, and took him for granted. That was 25 years ago and I still feel the sting to this day. I think my greatest regret is that I should die without understanding all of Beethoven’s piano sonatas. True, I enjoy them, but I’m sure a deeper understanding must be needed. I regret that my interest in string quartets was ruined by those angular, vacuous quartets of Bela Bartok. I know in many circles what I just wrote is sacrilegious but I can’t help it. They really are an acquired taste so maybe I just need to spend more time with them.


I do understand where my obsession with violent films come from. It’s probably a safe way of me to exact revenge on those who wronged me. I’m glad I’m just a viewer; I’d hate to think what manner of depravity I’d unleash if I went unchecked. I also thought about something this morning – the promises we make are free, but once we break them we have nothing left to break but our will to survive, and that is the saddest promise of all.


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