Yay! I have two anniversaries to celebrate this week. Yesterday, Nov. 26, it’s been a year and 4 months that I’ve been sober. Also, my brother and I came to the US 41 years ago on Nov. 27. Of course, my celebration will be alcohol-free, but that’s okay. I’m enjoying my new life, if only Lizard Boy (my nickname for the limbic system or lizard brain) wouldn’t keep intruding in as is his wont. Lizard Boy is an incorrigible control freak but he does protect from the nasties me so I can’t complain.
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I don’t even know why it was invented, presumably just to torture Aspies. I just hate “not knowing” and being in limbo about something. It drives me crazy and forces my brain to think of a way out, any way out. Where I temporarily live they won’t tell me how much time I have left there. It could be 6 months, it could be tomorrow. The uncertainty is bringing me to the point where I just wanna go, “Fuck it. I’m moving back to my car tonight.” Man, this black and white business sure can bog me down, and I know it, yet the grayness of uncertainty tortures me to death, ruins my sleep, upsets my day and sucks the happiness out of me. No wonder I’ve been looking at a lot of extremely violent Asian & German horror films lately. They just fit my mood.
Okay. It’s not Billboard, Hit Parader or Cashbox but it is better than nothing. A few of the songs from my solo album, Quartermoon, have been getting played at internet site N1M – Number One Music. For a while now the most popular song has been “Hot Body, Cold Heart.” I noticed today that it sits at No. 1. Yeah, something to be proud of. Too bad I don’t celebrate anything anymore. What I mean, of course, is I don’t celebrate with the bubbly like I’ve done for the past 35 years. Oh well. I guess this post is gonna have to suffice for now.