Tears of a Clown

Tears of a ClownI published the novella “Tears of a Clown” this morning on Amazon. “Tears” used to be a horror screenplay; it still is, but I’ve since fleshed it out and turned it into a novella. I wrote this when I was in Hollywood. I think it was the 4th or 5th script I’d written. The story came together pretty quickly and the screenplay took 4 days to write. Of course, it’s went through several renditions over the years. I hope the book doesn’t give anyone nightmares.

Speaking of which – I had another one last night; not as bad as last week’s, but still annoying. It’s kinda funny I’d have them, given how long I’ve been homeless in the street. Anyway, it is what it is. I think it’ll be the last piece of fiction I’ll write for a while. I have a few ideas for my next book but I don’t know how feasible they are. Chances are I’ll eat my words and go back to fiction if I don’t accumulate enough material for the non-fiction material.


I Despise Uncertainty

uncertaintyI hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I don’t even know why it was invented, presumably just to torture Aspies. I just hate “not knowing” and being in limbo about something. It drives me crazy and forces my brain to think of a way out, any way out. Where I temporarily live they won’t tell me how much time I have left there. It could be 6 months, it could be tomorrow.  The uncertainty is bringing me to the point where I just wanna go, “Fuck it. I’m moving back to my car tonight.” Man, this black and white business sure can bog me down, and I know it, yet the grayness of uncertainty tortures me to death, ruins my sleep, upsets my day and sucks the happiness out of me. No wonder I’ve been looking at a lot of extremely violent Asian & German horror films lately. They just fit my mood.